July 02, 2018
Selling Anything is Possible — Because Nothing is Impossible
We'll Always Have Paris
We'll Always Have Paris
C: I’m starting my own business. I am becoming an entrepreneur!
A: This is very exciting. What type of business are you starting?
C: I’m starting a dating service called Something.
A: Why Something?
C: I’m selling the experience of dating nothing.
A: What do you mean?
C: I saw on the Levi's website that they sell a 721 “Waterless” High Rise Skinny Non-Ripped Jean for $65 and a 721 “Waterless” High Rise Skinny Ripped Jean for $89. What you see is what you don’t get. Get it? People will pay almost $25 more for nothing.
A: You’re talking about ripped jeans, that’s a fad.
C: Hey, remember the Pet Rock? That guy sold five million of those pebbles in six months. If a rock can be your pet, then nothing can be your date.
A: So what’s your plan?
C: You take away the jeans entirely, and people will pay even more for anything, including nothing.
A: You can’t possibly be serious.
C: Oh really, have you ever heard of air rights?
A: Of course.
C: If you own a building you can buy the right to build more if you buy the air from the building next to it. See, you’re buying nothing.
A: What does this have to do with a dating service?
C: I’m selling the nothing around the person, to be his or her soulmate. Nothing is your constant companion. It doesn’t talk back and you’re always right.
A: Your idea is to sell the nothing around the person?
C: Yes, I know I’ll always have 100% client satisfaction.
A: Wait a second, when it comes to relationships, something and nothing are opposites, which don’t attract. Nothing can’t work. Birds of a feather flock together.
C: Well, in physics opposites attract and like-charges repel.
A: But these are people, not science.
C: Did you ever see the Seinfeld episode where he wants to date himself?
C: So he meets this woman, exactly like him. After a while, he can’t stand himself. See, like-charges repel. Something and nothing attract.
A: Have you put together a business plan?
C: Business plan, shsmismish plan. My inventory is free, I don’t need an office. I just stand in the park and yell, “Get Your Nothing Today!”
A: I’ll tell you something. I’m beginning to warm to the idea.
C: So you think it’s not too crazy?
A: Maybe not. And if you pull this off, you’ll be first-to-market.
C: Absolutely. By the way that Pet Rock guy made $15m in 1975. You know how much that would be today?
A: How much?
C: About $90m.
A: And what would you do with that $90m?
C: Start a new business.
A: What would it be called?
C: I Have No Idea.
A: Oh, the new Nothing.